How to hire all the worst people

  • Only hire people you’d want to go out and have a drink with. 
  • Only hire people you wouldn’t spend time with when you’re not at work. 
  • Always hire the smartest guy in the room. 
  • Never hire the guy who has all the answers. 
  • Hire people just like you. 
  • Hire people nothing like you. 

All of this is pretty common hiring advice. Allow me to add my own. 

Hire badly

Here are some tips on how to hire the worst employees. 

Hire for … whatever

You don’t know what you are hiring for. Not really. All you know is you are too busy. So hire somebody to do whatever things need to get done and you are not doing. 

Write a generic job spec 

Don’t be too specific. You want somebody who will just do whatever you throw at them since you are so busy and want to get things off your plate. Write a job description about “overflow work”, “general office duties”, and “additional work at the manager’s request”. 

Run a bad interview

Don’t prepare for the interview. It’s just a list of questions anyway. 

And speaking of questions: only ask trick questions. Like, what flavor Oreos are they, and are there more stars in the sky or sand granules on the beach. 

Ignore red flags

Things like a bad attitude, incoherent answers, and a clearly wrong personality fit. You’re in a hurry and need somebody to start soon. To do all the work you don’t want to do. So hire them anyway and deal with the problems later. 

Pick the person who makes you laugh the most

Regardless of other concerns or lack of ability. After all, laughing is good, right?

Don’t follow up or speak to the candidate again

Whatever. You’re busy. 

Onboard them without a system

Say: “just shadow me”. Then have them sit next to you for two days before you tell them to go do it all on their own. 

That ought to do it

You may recognize yourself in any of the above tips, so schedule a free 30-minute call to talk about improving your hiring process.